


The BAU Years

by SpencerRemyLvr



Series: Our Dysfunctional Family [3]
Category: Criminal Minds, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Serious AU, cases, some episodes WILL change, some re-done episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-10-22 10:43:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10695381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpencerRemyLvr/pseuds/SpencerRemyLvr
Summary: Spencer's years at the BAU. This is a bridge between the last story and the next, showing Spencer's life over his years at the BAU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, mes amies, here's the thing. I'm working like, 40-50 hour weeks, and K's working a lot as well, so we're gettig home late and spending that time together, which means neither one of us is sure about when we'll update. So I'm doing the same thing he is. I'm gonna go ahead and post this, mais I'm not promising dates on when I'll update. I'm going to shoot for once a week, but if work gets heavy it could be a couple weeks between them. I'll do m' absolute best though, I promise, and try to get you at least one a week even if it's not a long one.
> 
> Like the last story, each chapter is going to be different in length. Some short, some long. Some will deal with CM episodes and some will be my own invention.
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment, tell me what you liked or didn't, or let me know what y' wanna see. Your input keeps me going!

_November, 2003_

_Washington DC_

* * *

This was it. He was finally here.

Staring up at the building in front of him, Spencer smiled to himself. All of his hard work had finally paid off. He was here—he was going to be a part of the BAU.

For the past year and a half Spencer had worked hard to figure out who he was and who he was going to become. He’d spent his time at Caltech studying not just for his classes, but studying the people around him, and studying himself. Learning what it meant to be a ‘normal’ person and not an agent, and then trying things out until he thought he finally found a persona that fit. One that felt somewhat real, even.

He’d talked about it with Jason once or twice. The man had been rather insightful on it, in a way that made Spencer wonder if he’d ever had to reinvent himself. “Don’t rewrite yourself entirely.” Jason had told him one night while Spencer had still been deep in figuring everything out. “Remember, this is a life you’re going to live almost twenty-four/seven. That means you want to make yourself into someone that feels real to you.”

“How?” Spencer had asked.

“It’s not easy. You have to give up some things, no matter how you play this. There are parts of yourself you’re going to have to give up or hide. But there are parts of yourself you can embrace that maybe you weren’t able to before. Remember, the person you’re making yourself into, it’s all your choice. You get a chance here to be whoever you want to be. Take advantage of it, Spencer.”

Jason was right; it wasn’t easy. There were parts of Spencer that he didn’t mind giving up, and parts he knew he had to give up that were exceedingly difficult. Choosing to be male was the first and easiest choice of all. The female part of him, that was a part he was going to always associate with Erinyes. If he was going to live a dual life, it’d be a lot easier if he could truly separate it. Being female to be Erinyes, and being male to be Dr. Spencer Reid.

The next bit to figure out had been his skills. He’d talked it over with both Clint and Natasha, got their input on things, and both of them had agreed that it wasn’t a good idea for Dr. Reid, the man he was making himself into, to have all the physical skills that Spencer did. That Erinyes did. Shooting, hand-to-hand, his grasp for languages, all the things that might make him stand out to the right kind of person, the things that marked him as the spy he was. The idea of hiding those skills was easy for Spencer; he’d always made sure people underestimated him. Plus, as he admitted to Clint one quiet night, “It’ll be nice to be somewhere that wants me for my brain, not how easily I can kill someone.”

It’d been almost amusing in the end to go through Academy training and downplay his physical skills _so much_ that the Bureau had ended up giving him special exemptions because of his smarts. They wanted him in the field, and Spencer wanted them to think twice about using him the way that SHIELD did.

The hardest thing to give up had to be the fact that he likely wasn’t going to get to work with Clint and Natasha anymore. They would be on their missions, he’d be with the BAU, and the few times that Spencer was going to get called in were likely going to be solo missions, at least he assumed so judging by the way Fury had spoken when they’d met. He hadn’t outright said it but he’d implied it heavily enough. The missions that Spencer was going to get called in on were the kinds that required only one person. Infiltration, information gathering, and the kind that Spencer hated the most—assassinations. Of course, Fury didn’t call them that. He was never that blunt about it. But what else would you call it when called in to kill someone?

However, today none of that mattered. Today he was going in to meet his new team for the first time. He already had a dossier on all of them; there was no way in hell he was going to work with these people and _not_ know about them. This was the first time they were going to meet face to face, though.

Spencer was nervous as he made his way inside. Getting through security, then up to the floor the BAU was on, didn’t really do anything to distract him. He panicked internally almost the entire way up there. How was this going to go? Would they get along? Would they notice something was off about him? Would he be able to keep his powers in check? The Bureau only knew that Spencer had a healing factor, just like Jason had promised, and the team would know that as well. They had to, just in case he was hurt out in the field. None of them knew about any of Spencer's other powers. Not the telepathy, or the empathy, or even the telekinesis that he was steadily learning how to use with each passing day. _Not_ using them was going to be difficult. He could do it, though. He _would_ do it.

The elevator doors opened and Jason was there waiting for him. He smiled as soon as he saw Spencer. “Good morning, Dr. Reid.”

“Gideon.” He almost forgot to use the man’s last name instead of his first one. Jason had been the one to suggest it, telling him that most agents went by their last names.

Jason gave him a small smile full of understanding. “You ready to come meet the team?”

Time to play his part. Spencer let forward some of the natural shyness he’d learned to overcome and gave a small shrug of his shoulders. “No.” His lips twitched with a faint, slightly self-deprecating smile. “We might as well get it over with, though.”

Amusement flashed in Jason’s eyes. He smothered it down and gestured for Spencer to follow him. The older man led them into the BAU’s bullpen and then over to a ramp that brought them up towards a few offices. “My office.” He said, gesturing towards one of them. “Feel free to stop in anytime you need to speak with me. And this is Aaron’s office.”

The man in question stepped up to his door as Jason and Spencer got close to it. Immediately Spencer catalogued him. Dark brown hair, almost dark enough to be black, and dark brown eyes. Average height and build. A suit that screamed _FBI_ and covered up a body that showed signs of working out without taking it too far. A runner, maybe? The man was naturally attractive, in a brooding sort of way, and young-looking enough that it almost made his background questionable. It was hard to believe someone who looked as young as he did had already gone to college and done their time as a lawyer, _plus_ had the time to advance through the FBI and end up here.

His eyes, though… those gave away his age. They were the eyes of someone who had seen a lot. There was a weight to them as they dragged over Spencer before settling on his face, a hint of warmth and welcome there. “My door is always open as well, Dr. Reid, anytime you need it.” Taking a step forward, Aaron Hotchner smiled at him and held out a hand.

Touching people had never exactly been something Spencer enjoyed. As Erinyes, he’d either had to suck it up and touch people whether he liked it or not, or his reputation alone had been enough to deter anyone from touching him. Neither one of those was the case here. Spencer was free to indulge in some of his true feelings on things, with the cushion of the shy personality of the awkward genius he’d chosen to be. So, instead of shaking hands, he lifted one hand from where he’d curled them around the strap of his messenger bag and he gave a little wave. “Pleasure to meet you, sir.”

Surprise flashed through Aaron, followed by both curiosity and good humor in equal measure. He didn’t question Spencer's choice, though. Just drew his hand in and slipped it into his pocket. “A pleasure to meet you too, Doctor. We’ve heard plenty of great things about you.” His eyes drifted over to Jason then and his smile grew just a bit more honest. “Morgan and JJ are both in the round table room.”

“What about Lowe?” Jason asked.

Lowe—Vincent Lowe, the technical analyst of the team. Thirty-nine, single, lives alone with two cats. No priors, no marks on his record. Nothing really remarkable about him at all.

“He’s moving departments.” Aaron answered. He didn’t look happy about it, but he didn’t dwell on it either. “He said he felt he’d be better suited to somewhere other than the BAU. We should be getting a new analyst by the end of the month.”

In the back of his mind Spencer made a mental note to try and find out what applicants they had and see if maybe he’d be able to pull a string or two to get someone in. It’d be easier for him if he was able to pick someone he’d have a better chance on trusting. Or maybe… maybe he could get one through SHIELD. Someone that not only he could trust, but that they might trust as well. One less person he’d have to hide around. That might be nice to have. A technical analyst that he could count on to help cover for him in emergencies. It was definitely worth looking into.

Then they were moving and it was time to meet the rest of the team. The people that were going to be a part of his life for however long he got to stay here. Reading their files, trying to teach himself everything there was to know about them, it was only able to prepare him a little. There was plenty about people that never made it into their files. Were they kind people? Did they act nice at first and turn mean later? Were they the type to pick on someone smaller than they were? Were they the type to use jokes as a disguise for their cruelty, or maybe they made jokes to cover up the emotions they didn’t know how to deal with? Were they open and honest when talking to people? Did they keep secrets as easily as they breathed, like Natasha? Did they laugh and joke to cover up a huge heart, like Clint? None of that kind of information was something that could be found in a file.

Spencer had himself on alert from the instant he walked into what Jason had called the ‘round table room’. It was aptly named, as the center of the room held a huge round table. From that table rose two people—Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau.

Derek looked like a walking stereotype. Tall, muscular, short hair, dark skin—a build made for someone with the background in sports that he had, as well as the various different departments he’d worked in, the skills he possessed, and the training he had. His file read like an ideal agent with just a bit of a problem with authority.

Beside him was the pretty, petite blond, a type that Spencer had once heard someone refer to as ‘homecoming queen’. Jennifer was a woman who was beautiful, and who knew she was beautiful, and yet she didn’t let it define her. She was working what sounded like a thankless job where almost zero credit was given to her. Yet, despite the things she did and the things she had to have seen, there was so much kindness in her eyes when she stepped towards him, and her smile was warm and welcoming in a way that reminded him of Laura. Soft, gentle, yet with a core of steel underneath that you’d find if you pressed hard enough.

“You must be Dr. Reid.” She said, her smile growing. “I’m Jennifer Jareau, but everyone calls me JJ.”

“And I’m Derek Morgan.” Derek moved to stand at JJ’s side, one hand held out, and he was wearing his own friendly smile.

Spencer bit the inside of his lip and lifted his hand for yet another wave. He didn’t mind looking like a dork if it set a precedent for people not touching him. That would definitely make his life easier in the long run. “It’s nice to meet you. Both of you.”

He could feel the spark of humor from Jason that said his handler was quite enjoying watching the show. Spencer made a mental note to glare at him for it later. He really shouldn’t be enjoying Spencer's discomfort quite so much. But for the moment, Spencer kept his shy smile in place as he watched Derek lower his hand and give him an arch look. No one commented on his lack of manners, though, so it counted as a win in Spencer's book.

“We’re happy to have you on the team, Dr. Reid.” Aaron told him. He’d moved so that he was standing off to the side, yet directly between the four of them. It put Derek and JJ on his left and Spencer and Jason on his right. Though Spencer knew Jason was technically the lead of this team, he also knew that Jason considered Aaron one as well. More of a leader than him, in fact. From Jason’s stories it wasn’t hard to figure out that Jason only ever pulled out the seniority card when he really, really needed to make a point. Otherwise he seemed to like being a bit on the sidelines, free to work at his pace, do his thing, and collaborate with the team as necessary.

Looking around at these people who were now going to become a big part of his life, who he was going to have to keep safe and count on at least a little to help keep him safe, he tried to give them his best smile. It came out shy without him even trying. “I’m happy to be here, sir.”

* * *

It was a good thing that Spencer had experience going undercover. He’d never built such a deep cover persona before, but he’d understood going in just what kind of things he might need and he’d tried to prepare as best as possible, which worked out wonderfully for him because he was quickly discovering just how absolutely _curious_ the team was. JJ was polite about it; a bit more discreet in her quizzing, as was Aaron—“Call me Hotch, Reid.”—but _Derek_ , he wasn’t even the least bit subtle. No matter that he might’ve thought he was.

He wanted to know everything. How old Spencer was, how he’d managed to get into the Bureau so young, what his degrees were in—everything.

Spencer had to admit, it’d been kind of amusing to watch their faces when he told them his degrees. “Mathematics, chemistry, and engineering. I also have BA’s in psychology, sociology, and I’m working on one in philosophy.”

All that studying that he’d been doing at Caltech, and that he’d done with Jason before then, had added up in ways he hadn’t really realized or bothered to even pay attention to before. There were more degrees, and more in the works that he planned to continue, but when he and Jason had been building this new life of his, they’d divvied up Spencer’s degrees between his male and female halves. As her, Spencer had doctorates as well. One and a half at the moment. A few other degrees as well. But these ones… he’d liked the feel of these ones. They seemed to suit the person he was building here.

“He’s also got an eidetic memory.” Jason supplied, while the others were still just staring at Spencer. That brought all their eyes over to him, Spencer’s included, though Spencer was slightly glaring at the man. It didn’t bother Jason in the least. He met Spencer’s gaze without flinching. The look on his face was familiar; it was one he wore when he knew he was doing what was best for Spencer, whether or not Spencer agreed with it. Sure enough, “They need to know, Spencer.” Then Jason turned back to the others and ignored Spencer completely to explain things to them. “An eidetic memory means that he doesn’t forget things that he sees or other details that he focuses on. His memory is strongest with visual stimuli, but he does use his other senses as well. All of you need to know this because you need to be prepared for the fact that cases won’t leave him as easily as they will you. He’s likely going to develop certain quirks at the end of our cases to help him cope and move past what we’ve seen, and you’ll need to learn to respect that.”

“Jason!” Spencer hissed at him. His cheeks were flaming and it wasn’t even an act. This was _personal_!

Surprisingly, it wasn’t Jason who answered Spencer’s low hiss—it was Derek. “Hey, kid, don’t worry about it.” The other man told him in a reassuring voice. “We’ve all got our ways to wind down after a case. Hotch there, if he’s got his face buried in files we know to leave him alone.”

“And if Morgan puts on his headphones, it’s a sign to leave him be and let him decompress on his own.” JJ chimed in.

“They’re right.” Aaron said. “We all have our own quirks here, Dr. Reid. While yours sound as if they might be more pronounced than ours are, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Part of being on a team is learning to work together. That includes after the case is over with.”

This… this was nothing like what Spencer had expected. Clint was the only person in Spencer’s life that never minded any of his quirks after a mission. He’d spar with Spencer if that’s what was needed, or he’d sit and watch movies with him. He’d hold his hand, or give him space, depending on where Spencer’s head was at. He even kept a stack of ‘Clint-approved’ books that would allow Spencer to relax with something that didn’t involve death or pain or anything like that.

Spencer watched them all and could easily see and feel that they really meant it. They understood that he was going to have quirks and weren’t going to judge him for it. Of course, that might change once they were actually forced to deal with it, but at the moment they were honestly willing to try, and that was more than any team that Spencer had worked with at SHIELD. He smiled shyly at them all and felt his hope grow a little. Maybe this had been the right thing to do. Maybe, as hard as it might be, this might prove to be one of the best things he’d ever done.

Time would tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! BAU years aren't as easy to write as I'd hoped.
> 
> I took some liberties with Spencer's first case at the BAU. Remember, tons of AU Stuff in this stories, mes amies. Oui? Oui. Enjoy and remember to let me know what you think!

Spencer wondered if it was any sort of indicator about what his time was going to be like here at the BAU when only a week passed by before the team got their first case.

His first week had mostly been spent in various kinds of paperwork. Jason had him looking over old case files to give his opinion on things, a sort of test for him and a show for the others so that they’d be able to see that Spencer was more than just talk. But then their case came in and it was time for him to show that to them in a much more real way.

Spencer had to fight back the feeling of strangeness as he followed Derek up into the round-table room. He let the older profiler lead the way and kept a step behind him in a way that Spencer could easily see becoming habit. Being quiet and reserved when it came to other people was pretty normal for spencer; more true to his actual self than the way he acted the rest of the time. He’d used plenty of people as a cover against the rest of the world before. Sometimes—often—without them knowing. Clint had never had any issues placing himself between Spencer and the world while they walked around, or when they had to talk to people, and it felt kind of nice to Spencer to see that Derek didn’t seem to have an issue with it either. He had no doubt the profiler knew; the way he looked over at Spencer and then back towards the table kind of made that clear. Yet when they sat down he made sure that Spencer was off to the one side of him and the rest of the team was off to the other.

There was a heavy atmosphere to the room that Spencer easily picked up on. But there was also something else, something he was familiar with from many missions—readiness. Everyone in here knew how serious any case was, yet they were also more than ready to go out there and do what needed to be done. They didn’t _enjoy_ these things, he knew. But they did enjoy the challenge. The thrill of hunting someone down and catching them. Spencer could respect that. While he had only ever enjoyed his actual job a few times, he’d almost always enjoyed the thrill of the hunt. The challenge of it all. He’d felt guilt for that more than once.

“All right.” JJ’s words interrupted Spencer’s thoughts and brought him back to the present moment, his eyes tracking her as she hurried to stand in front of the TV at the opposite side of the table from the team. There was an urgency to her steps that he easily understood; her mind was almost screaming what the case was. It had Spencer snapping to attention even before she started to address the team. “We’ve got a kidnapping just over in Richmond. Two hours ago, six year old Candi Brightmore went to the park with her fifteen year old sister, Alexa. The two were attacked and Alex was knocked unconscious. She was found later by a citizen who called the police.”

As she spoke, she handed out files, passing them around the table. Spencer scooped his up and opened it, eyes scanning the facts even as he continued to listen to her, drawing in as much information as he possibly could.

“This is the third such kidnapping in Richmond and its surrounding areas. Eight year old Lacey May was taken almost a month ago in Charlottesville, and a month before that seven year old Kylie Matthews was taken from Lynchburg.” JJ looked like she felt sick by all of this. Spencer couldn’t really blame her. Especially when he saw the photos of the girls. At the sight of those, he shot JJ a sympathetic gaze. It was always harder to work a job when you saw bits of yourself in the victims.

Derek’s thoughts seemed to be running parallel to Spencer’s, though he was focused more on the looks and less on their connection to JJ. “All these girls fit a type. Six-to-eight years old, blond hair, blue eyes.”

“He’s definitely got a type.” Aaron agreed.

Jason hummed low in his throat, saying nothing as he looked through the files. Whatever he saw, he didn’t feel the need to share it yet. Not that Spencer expected him to. He was well used to that. Jason never shared anything he wasn’t ready to say. But the others all seemed to speak readily enough. JJ still stood at the head of the table, hands folded in front of her, and though she was just their media liaison she was still there presenting information, giving Spencer a clue that she was more a part of the team than he’d originally thought. “None of the girls have any familial connection between them. We’ve got a temp IT specialist for the duration of this case—John Ellis—and he’s already looking into any kind of digital connection between the girls, but so far he’s come up with nothing.”

“So, they’re not family.” Derek said, eyes on the file. “He probably doesn’t know them or their families socially, but it’s likely he watched them. All the kids were taken at somewhere slightly secluded, away from the home. That would’ve taken time and planning.”

“Stranger kidnapping only makes up about twenty four percent of kidnapping cases.” Spencer pointed out almost absently. Jason had told him to treat these kinds of things like it was a discussion of the case in his office with him, and Spencer could do that. He could give out the facts he always gave. As he stared down at the file he held, he continued to speak. “Stranger kidnapping victimizes more females than males, occurs primarily at outdoor locations, victimizes both teenagers and school-age children, and is the type of kidnapping most likely to involve the use of a firearm. In eighty percent of these cases, the first contact between the two occurs within a quarter mile of the home.”

He looked up from the folder in his hands to find that everyone was staring at him. Not quite sure what was going on, Spencer looked around the room before finally settling his gaze on Jason. He reached out to him and felt the small ghost of amusement that sat underneath the determination and worry in his mind.

There was no real time to figure out what amused him, or had the others giving him curious look. Aaron closed his folder and told them “Our clock’s already at two hours. The rest of this can be discussed in the cars on the way there. JJ,”

“I’ll be taking my own car so I can meet you guys there.” JJ said quickly.

The man nodded at her. “Good. Then Morgan and Reid, you’re with Jason and I. Let’s move.”

* * *

This whole ‘being on a team’ thing was weird. Not as weird, Spencer was discovering, as the whole ‘working inside the law’ thing. Doing this the right and legal way tied Spencer’s hands in ways he hadn’t anticipated. If this were a case of his own, he would’ve been in town already, gone straight to the hospital to talk to the girl who was attacked, see if she remembered something even if she didn’t consciously think she did, or he would’ve gone to the family and observed them, reaching out to try and pick up any thoughts of the kid in their minds, reading them for guilt or anything else like that, and then he would’ve worked his way through people close to them to try and piece together enough clues to get a lead. At the same time, he probably would’ve hit the streets to talk to people. Not good people—the type of people that the BAU would never deal with. If the town was big enough to have hookers or addicts or homeless, they were usually a great source of information for someone who knew how to listen just right.

However, none of that was possible here. Spencer couldn’t do any of that, nor was he in charge of what they did do. Having a handler direct him was one thing. It was something that Spencer was used to. Having someone who directed him, fully expecting him to listen, someone that made all their plans with no input from them, was a strange sensation.

Spencer was used to doing things on his own, or on a team that he led, or as a joint effort with him, Clint, and Natasha. He wasn’t used to the feeling he got when they arrived in town and Aaron started handing out orders. “All right, Morgan, I want you to head to the hospital and see if the girl’s woken up yet. I’m going to stay here and get us set up. Dr. Reid, you’ll be with Jason. The two of you are going to go to the latest abduction site. We’ll meet back here as soon as we’re able.”

It felt wrong to just be sent off to somewhere when Spencer knew his time could be better spent doing something else. He was too well trained to say anything against it, though. Spencer kept his opinions to himself as he joined Jason in a black SUV and the two headed off towards the site where their latest girl had been abducted. Still, he couldn’t help himself, and as they drove he let his powers stretch out into the air around him. It wasn’t easy to do—if he wasn’t careful, he’d pick up too much from too many people. But if he was careful, there was a chance he might be able to pick up some sort of negative intent or something else that might clue him in to someone that didn’t match with the rest of the group. It was sort of a crapshoot when in a large area like this, or while traveling, but near the victim’s house, their abduction sites, or any other place that was connected, he’d have a better change. There were a lot of targets out there that were stupid enough to revisit the scene of the crime over and over again.

They’re barely been driving when Jason startled him out of his thoughts by casually commenting “You were awfully quiet back there.”

“You guys have your dynamics.” Spencer answered in an absent voice, eyes focused out the window of the car. “It’ll take time for me to figure out where I fit within those. I’m not quite comfortable in my role yet. I’m still settling.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I need to figure this out on my own.” Though, if they were going to sit here and talk about things, maybe this was the moment for Spencer to get some things figured out that might help him to settle in. With his powers still extended outwards, he turned his head so he could physically focus on Jason some. “Though, I have to admit, I’m curious. Generally speaking, team dynamics are slightly more defined than I’m finding this group.  Who, exactly, is in charge here?” He needed to know who was his direct superior. The way that Jason had always talked had made it clear that he seemed to think both he and Aaron were leads here, and Spencer needed to know for sure if that was really the case.

To his surprise, there was amusement coming from Jason and showing in the curve of his lips. “Right now, you’re what I believe Clint calls a ‘puppy’.”

Spencer grimaced; he couldn’t help it. That was what Clint called new recruits with SHIELD. The kids that were freshly joining them and just starting their training. The ones that thought they knew everything and who quickly learned they knew nothing. Clint called them puppies because they were often uncoordinated _children_ who wanted to run while still needing to learn how to walk. It wasn’t uncommon for him to treat some of them that way, too. Spencer had watched from the vents or from a secluded corner of the room more than once as Clint had taught a class, and as he’d annoyed or offended some of the students by telling them things like ‘sit’ or ‘stay’ or even ‘heel’.

That was how he was going to be considered here? As offensive as Spencer found that, he shoved it all down. Jason was right. Spencer was the newbie here. He had a lifetime of experience as an assassin, a _killer_ , and then as an agent, but he didn’t have experience being the person who legally caught the killers and brought them in.

Spencer was going to have to learn how to work within the confines of the law and he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy. He was likely going to find himself in a lot of positions like today, where he was doing something he didn’t think he should really be doing instead of off doing what he wanted to do. Maybe Aaron had a good reason for sending Spencer out here. Maybe there was something he hoped Spencer to see, or learn, that he wouldn’t somewhere else.

Licking his lips to dry them, the new profiler turned to look forward, his attention inward now just as much as it was focused out with his powers.

He was going to have to get used to the fact that he wasn’t the one in charge here anymore. He wasn’t working on his own. He had a team, one where he was the youngest person on the totem pole. The responsibility of managing things didn’t fall on Spencer’s shoulders anymore. That responsibility belonged to Jason and to Aaron. The only thing that Spencer had to do here was his job—and it had to be done within the confines of the American legal system.

He could do it. This was the choice that he made and he was going to stick by it. No matter how much it chafed.

* * *

Learning how to walk the crime scenes with Jason wasn’t all that different for Spencer than it was when he did it on his own. They looked at things and studied everything. The only real difference was that all Spencer’s musings were encouraged to be said out loud instead of just kept inside his head. It was kind of like when he looked at something with Clint, only with less snark.

Or, at least, with Jason it was. When they got back to the police station and the team of profilers met in the conference room, Spencer found that Derek Morgan was pretty good at supplying a light level of snark that helped to set Spencer a bit more at ease. He knew how to handle that kind of personality. Derek wasn’t as laid back as Clint was, nor was he as full of sarcasm, but it was there underneath his professional persona.

When Aaron sent Spencer out with Derek to go to the family’s house and take a look around, something that Spencer was happy he was finally going to get to do, he found out that Derek reminded him a bit of Natasha, too, in that he had a shield up over himself. One that told people to keep their distance. It didn’t stop him from being friendly; he didn’t freeze people out like Natasha did. He just carried that shield around him that made it clear he didn’t want people trying to get up close and personal, while at the same time he was kind enough and friendly enough to make it not offensive.

His mind and emotions—those, more than anything else, drew Spencer to him a little. Derek’s mind was pretty well shielded against telepaths with a natural sort of shield that spoke of unconscious practice. Someone had tried to get in there enough at some point in Derek’s life that his body had built up a natural defense to it. But his emotions… they were amazing. Strong, powerful, and so open, as if he’d never thought to shelter them from the world before. They were just right out there and Spencer could wrap himself up in them easily if he wasn’t careful.

Luckily, he didn’t get the chance to really lose focus. Derek kept him too distracted for that. “So, how you liking things so far?” was the first question Derek asked him.

Spencer tilted is head and contemplated that question a moment before he answered. “It’s… an adjustment.”

“Yeah, I bet. It does get a bit easier, but it never actually gets _easy_.”

No, he couldn’t imagine that it did. When it got to the point that it got easy, that was when Spencer imagined it was time to get out. The way he should’ve gotten out of his last work a long time ago. _I never should’ve been in with it to begin with._ He pushed that traitorous thought back. Though there was no one here who could read his mind or hear him thinking that, for too long it had been something dangerous, thinking that way. Risky. He was what he was and that was it. Only in these past few years had he really thought that he was more than that, or that he at least had the potential to become more.

Derek cast him a curious look as they turned a corner. He waited a second, obviously debating what he wanted to say, and Spencer gave him the respect of not just reading it out of his mind. It only took maybe a minute before Derek finally asked his question. “What made you choose this line of work?” The profiler asked. “I mean, all that education you have, those smarts, you could’ve gone anywhere. Even with the Bureau, you could’ve gotten a lot better job than this. So… why the BAU?”

Why, indeed. This wasn’t a question he’d prepared himself for, though he should have. He really should have. Spencer chewed on the inside of his lip a little as he tried to organize his thoughts into some semblance of an answer that he might actually be able to give here. “I wanted to do something good.” Spencer said slowly. He stared out the window, drawing in his focus away from his empathy for a bit to he could focus properly on the conversation. “I wanted to… to be able to do good, and to see the good I’m doing. I like numbers and facts, statistics, things like that, but I like the idea of being able to take all of that and use it to help someone. What better use is there for my knowledge?” Doing good now wouldn’t cancel out all the bad that he’d done; he knew that. But it was better than just continuing to do bad. If the skills he’d learned helped him to save a life, wasn’t it his duty, his obligation, to do so? He’d done so much wrong, hurt so many people, it was only right he try and make up for that.

The smile that Derek sent him warmed Spencer a little inside. “That’s a pretty damn good reason, kid.”

Spencer smiled shyly at the open praise in those words. If only Derek knew the truth. He wouldn’t be so quick to praise him then. Spencer wasn’t anything special. He was a killer, trying to wash his hands clean of the blood that would never go away.

* * *

In the end, it was a mix of the team’s profiling and a slight use of Spencer’s special skills that caught them their Unsub. Their interview of the girl at the hospital gave them a start, and when Spencer went back to speak with her with Jason, a bit of gentle coaxing and a light touch of telepathy helped her see her memories a bit clearer and give them a verbal description of the man. That description helped their sketch artist get a picture, which in turn was released to the press. After that, it was only hours later that a sighting was reported and they went to bring him in.

They found Candi before anything more could happen to her. She was alive when they found her. Spencer consoled himself with that, though it didn’t make him feel all that much better.

They’d found their ‘Unsub’ as well. It took everything Spencer had to remember that he was a profiler here, a federal agent, and simply shooting the man on sight wasn’t acceptable. He couldn’t take care of his problems like that anymore. No matter how badly he wanted to.

Jason clapped a hand on his shoulder once they were done and the Unsub was being loaded into a cop car. “You did good here, Spencer.”

Unable to break his eyes away from the man being loaded into the back of the car, Spencer shook his head. “It doesn’t quite feel like it.”

“He’ll pay for his crimes.”

“Not enough.” Spencer thought of the young girl they’d found in this man’s home, the feelings that had been coming from her and the memories that were almost screaming inside her head, and he shivered a little. His eyes drifted over to where she was being currently taken from the house. “Not enough.”

Jason said nothing. He just gave Spencer’s shoulder a squeeze and then walked away, leaving him with his thoughts.

For a moment, the young genius stood there, just watching things around him. Then, he straightened his spine and lifted his chin, making the only decision he could here.

Though it made his stomach clench even more, Spencer slipped around people to make his way over to the ambulance where Candi was being loaded up. There were only paramedics with her, though Spencer could feel the minds of her parents making their way close. If he wanted to do this, he was only going to have a short window in which to do it.

Spencer moved himself just enough to slip past another adult and then he was right there, right by Candi, and it was no trouble at all to push calm at the paramedics, a sort of ‘trust me’ vibe that made them less likely to be bothered by his presence or to ask questions, and then he moved into a crouch in front of the young girl. She was wrapped up in a blanket and was radiating her absolute terror along with other things that no child should ever have to feel. Spencer locked away what he felt and made himself smile up at the girl. With one hand, he reached up and lightly touched her cheek, just a gentle brush of his fingers. “You were a very brave girl, Candi.” Through that touch, he reached out with his powers and let them brush over and _through_ the girl, sifting through what he found and drawing in what he’d been looking for, letting it pour out of her and into him. His smile never once showed the strain.

However, _her_ face showed the relaxation. While Spencer couldn’t take all her memories from her, or all her emotions on it, he _could_ take the harsher edge to it. Make the memories a bit more blurred in her mind so they’d be less likely to haunt her. He also took away the harsher edge of her emotions, the disgust towards herself and the feelings of dirtiness, of wrongness, that could’ve grown with her and caused serious problems as she got older. It was a manipulation, and one on a level that he’d learned was technically considered wrong, but if it helped her in the long run he wasn’t going to be sorry for it. He just wasn’t.

When he pulled his fingers back, Candi actually managed to smile at him a little. “Thanks.” She said. It took him a second to remember that it was in response to his word, to calling her brave.

Spencer let his smile grow until it built little crinkles at the edges of his eyes. “You’re very welcome.”

Pulling back, he pushed up to his feet in just enough time for Candi to catch sight of her parents coming towards them. He walked away, listening to the sounds of the young family reuniting.

Though his stomach felt like it was going to turn itself inside out, he couldn’t help but smile.

* * *

No one bothered him on their way to the station to wrap things up, nor as they made their way back to the jet. Honestly, no one seemed in the mood to talk to anyone. They’d done good here, they all knew it, but Spencer doubted these kinds of cases ever got easier. Not when it concerned children.

The BAU team kept quiet as they loaded onto the jet. For Spencer, it was easy to slip around the others, to take a moment when they weren’t paying attention and make his way towards the back of the jet. There, he was free to take the seat right before the one on the end. It put his back to the rest of the team, something he typically wouldn’t allow, but it also meant that they wouldn’t be able to see him, and that was something he needed right then. Desperately.

What he’d taken from Candi was burning inside of him. Spencer tried to keep his hands steady as he drew his feet up onto the seat and curled his body in on himself. Hopefully, if the others walked by they’d simply think that he was resting. Better that than they looked at him and thought he was so weak he broke on his first case. _Don’t show weakness. Suck it up and do your job!_ The voice in his head sounded scarily like one of his old trainers, which was enough to make him shiver and curl a little more into his sweater.

He felt someone coming towards him and prayed to every deity out there that they weren’t coming towards him. Not that he thought it would do any good. His luck was just running that great today.

Sure enough, the person slipped down into the seat across from him. It only took Spencer a second to recognize the presence as Derek. It’d take time for him to really learn them enough that he’d be able to recognize them instantly. That took time, or the ability to full on scan their minds, and seeing as how they didn’t know about that part of his powers it wasn’t likely he was going to get the second option.

“How you holding up over here, kid?” Derek asked, his voice and emotions kind and comfortable. Relaxing.

There was absolutely nothing about that to put Spencer’s back up, and yet it did. Before he could think about the wisdom of his words, he snapped out “I can do my job.”

Surprise had Derek’s eyebrows shooting up. He quickly held his hands up in a peaceful gesture. “Woah, kid. I wasn’t saying you couldn’t.” Carefully, he drew his hands back down, folding them to rest on his crossed legs. “I just know how hard this job can be, and cases with kids are even harder. I wanted to make sure you got through it all okay, that’s all.”

There was a sort of gentleness in his eyes and his emotions were steady, full of understanding and simple kindness. It was baffling. Who was this kind? This good? Spencer wasn’t used to dealing with people like this. Laura… Laura was like this. Clint was sometimes, too, but there was more under his emotions. There always had been. Even when he was at his laziest and most gentle, there was always an air of protectiveness—almost a possessiveness, sometimes—that Spencer loved to feel. It made him feel safe, and wanted. Like he was that important to the man. But here with Derek, the man’s emotions were just open and kind, nothing ulterior to it, nothing buried under it all. He was just honestly _nice_.

Because of that, Spencer worked to push back the pain he felt, and the way it made his tongue sharp, and he offered Derek a small smile. “Yeah. I’m all right, Morgan. Thanks.”

The way that Derek beamed at him made it worth it. “Anytime.” Then his smile shifted, became something a bit friendlier and a bit teasing. “So, you gonna stay back here and hide out some more, or you wanna come join us for a poker game? We’ve even got Hotch agreeing to play with us.”

They wanted him to come and play poker? Spencer couldn’t help it; his smile turned even more amused. “Did Jason suggest you ask me?”

“He said you like the game.”

Oh, man, this was going to be _fun_. Spencer slowly unfolded himself from his seat. “I do.”

“Great.” Derek rose with him, still with that easy smile on his face, and he gestured with one hand for Spencer to follow him. “C’mon then, pretty boy. Let’s go play some poker.”

Spencer caught Jason’s eye across the jet and was amused by the humor he felt coming from the man.

This was going to be so much fun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this is K! J gave me this chapter to edit, so the fact that it took an extra day is my fault - sorry! He left a note at the top of the chapter for me to let everyone know that he's having a much harder time writing out the BAU years than he'd thought he would (He has quite a bit written for once the Avengers are in the picture) and so the BAU years might either be a WIP while he goes ahead and posts the other stuff, or it might have bigger time jumps than he'd planned. Just a heads up, guys :)

_December, 2003_

_Early Season 1, CM_

* * *

Spencer had been a part of the BAU for only a month when he hit one of his very first roadblocks—and it was one he hadn’t even realized was going to be a problem.

His introduction to the BAU seemed to be one case right after another. They’d gotten back from their first one and there’d been two days in which Derek had taken it on himself to show Spencer around, get him acquainted with paperwork, and try to puzzle him out despite Spencer’s best efforts to dodge any sort of personal question. But after those two days, the team had been called out on a string of murders that had taken them a week to solve. Then, once back at the BAU, they had an important profile that the DOJ needed from them, and that involved shutting themselves up in what Derek called ‘the round table room’ and focusing solely on the boxes of information and the videos that had been sent over.

After that, it was another serial murder, this time out in Nebraska, and it was a doozy of a case. Twelve victims already, all women, all with the most horrible of things done to them by someone with a sexually sadistic personality type that had Spencer wanting to find his gun.

He’d forgotten all about the Christmas holiday until the team finally made it back home. By that point, it was the start of December, and Spencer was surprised to see that there were only a few weeks until Christmas—and a few weeks until his little brother’s first birthday. When he got home that night, he found a message waiting for him on the answering machine from Laura. It was short and sweet, conscious of who might be listening, and simply asked “Call me back so we can discuss holiday plans, okay sweetheart? I hope I’ll hear from you soon!”

Unfortunately, there was another type of message that came in not even five minutes later, and this was one that Spencer couldn’t put off.

“ _Spencer, it’s Jason. Call me._ ”

The fact that he’d just seen his handler not that long ago told him that this was something that had just come in. The way he worded it, the urgency in his voice, left no doubt in Spencer’s mind which job was calling for him. This wasn’t his teammate that was calling him; it was his handler. It was SHIELD. Spencer hesitated only a moment before he went back to his room and pulled out the private cell phone he kept just for instances like this. It was as secure as SHIELD could make it to keep others from listening in. Five minutes later, the line was as secure as possible and Spencer was getting a quick briefing on what needed to be done.

Five minutes after that, he was out the door. It looked like holidays weren’t going to be in the plans this year.

* * *

Despite Spencer’s best efforts to try and make it home, she didn’t manage to make it to the Farm until four days _after_ Christmas.

She’d given Jason the ‘all clear’ and had begged off a couple days to go and visit family before coming back in. As far as he knew that meant visiting her mom. He had no qualms clearing it for her and Spencer had happily gone from the mission straight to her family. Which meant that she climbed out of her car still dressed for the job in the ridiculous bodysuit that SHIELD gave its agents. When she straightened up from grabbing her bag out of the backseat, she found Laura was walking out the door, smiling brightly at her. “Spencer!”

The two greeted one another with a warm hug, not just in body but in emotions as well. As they pulled apart, Laura cupped Spencer’s face, turning her this way and that as she said “Let me get a look at you.”

“I’m fine, Ammi.” Spencer said, smiling.

“mm.” The noise that Laura made wasn’t agreement or disagreement. She looked at Spencer a second longer before declaring “You’re too thin. I swear, honey, do you eat? Come on,” She let go of Spencer’s face to slide an arm around her and start to tow her into the house. “Clint’s upstairs putting Coop down for bed. Why don’t you go on up, get changed, and I’ll make you up something to eat.”

There was no point in arguing with the force of nature that was Laura Barton, especially not when she was in full ‘mother-mode’ as Clint and Spencer jokingly called it. She found herself on her way up to her room—and no matter how much time passed, the fact that she had her own room here permanently never got any less amazing, any less awe-inspiring—with her bag in hand. Halfway down the hall she watched as Clint came backing out of a room on silent feet. He closed the door, making as little noise as possible, and then turned to obviously start to head downstairs. Only, the instant he turned he caught sight of her, and it warmed Spencer the same way it always did to see how his face lit up at the sight of her. “Peanut!” The exclamation was low so as not to wake Cooper, yet packed full of warmth and love. He held his arms out and it was so easy for Spencer to drop her bag and jump at him. Once, this wouldn’t have been an easy touch for her. Once, she wouldn’t have taken it at all. Now, it felt so perfectly right to be held by him and feel his love and protection wrap around her as surely as his arms did. “Damn, it’s good to see you.”

_//It’s good to see you, too//_

If she held on just a little tighter than normal, clinging just the slightest bit, neither one of them mentioned it.

When they pulled apart, Clint brought a hand up to cup the side of her face, looking her over in an assessment much like Laura’s. When their eyes met once more, he was grinning wide enough that they were wrinkled at the edges, and they were bright with emotion. “I’m glad you made it home.”

“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.”

“You’re here now, that’s all that matters to me.” Clint said.

This time her smile was a whole lot more shy as it curved over her lips. He chuckled, amused as always to see that side of her, and he dropped his hand down to squeeze at her shoulder. “Go on, go get cleaned up. I bet Laura’s down there pulling out all the stops to get you something to eat.”

Spencer chuckled as they separated. She bent down, picking her bag up off the floor. “Apparently I look too thin for her.”

That made Clint snort. “You _always_ look too thin.”

“I can’t control my metabolism, Abbu.”

“No, but you could try this awesome thing called _eating regularly_. I hear it works wonders for your body.”

As if he had any room to talk. When he wasn’t here being fed by Laura, he was the worst at finding himself food to eat. If he did bother, it was always takeout—usually pizza—and barely anything else. Mostly, he lived off coffee, something that they both had in common. Laura despaired over it every single time either one of them was away from her for long. She was constantly trying to feed them. Spencer especially, since her metabolism really _was_ fast, and weight was a hard thing to keep on her.

That was why it was no surprise when Spencer came back downstairs—freshly showered and dressed in plaid pajama shorts and an oversized shirt that once was Clint’s—and found that there was almost an entire dinner sitting on the kitchen table waiting for her. She took in the turkey pot pie, the rolls, the sweet potatoes, the stuffing, and some sort of jello thing, and she had to shake her head. She was smart enough not to comment on it, though. Not beyond looking up at Laura, who was sitting beside Clint and drinking a cup of tea at the table, and smiling as she said “Thank you, Ammi.”

“You’re welcome.” Laura smiled right back at her. Then she gestured to the table with one hand. “Sit down and eat, sweetheart, and tell us how you’ve been.”

They didn’t ask her about her mission and she didn’t offer information. But she did tell them all about the BAU. As she worked her way through two plates of dinner, which had Laura’s emotions settling into that happy feeling she always got when taking care of those she loved, she told them about Derek, about JJ, about Aaron and Penelope, and about the new girl Elle that had joined up with them. They listened avidly to her stories and asked questions, drawing more and more out of her. Little by little the tension that had been in Spencer throughout her mission drained away until she was finally able to relax and smile honestly.

When her impromptu dinner was done, Spencer was surprised that she wasn’t shuffled off to bed to get some rest, especially considering the concern that Spencer could feel from her as well as that caretaking need that was never far. Instead, she was brought out to the living room and sat down in a chair. Everything was still decorated in here and Spencer couldn’t help but look over it all. From the beautiful Christmas tree, covered in ornaments and lights, to the random bits of tinsel and decorations and such that were strewn all through the living room. It was like an image off a TV show. Something that Spencer had only ever seen, never experienced before.

Her perusal of the room was interrupted by Clint’s voice. “We got you something.” he said as he grabbed an envelope from underneath their Christmas tree. He brought it over and held it out to Spencer, smiling as she took it cautiously.

Laura chuckled while shifting herself on the corner couch cushion, making room for Clint to drop down right up against her. “We got you other things, too, but those can wait for morning.” She said.

“Yeah.” Clint beamed. “We’ll redo Christmas morning. It’ll be great.”

The idea that they wanted to actually redo Christmas for her—Spencer had no clue what to say. Just as she had no clue how to react to the fact that they’d gotten her gifts. It wasn’t the first time Clint had done it, but it was the first time it’d happened like this, as a _family_. Spencer stared down at the envelope she was holding and took a moment to bite on the inside of her lip and wonder. Then, hesitantly, she undid the top of it, careful not to tear any of the decorations that had been… were those _hand drawn_ on there? She was even more careful now as she opened it. Once she got the end completely open, she pulled out a, a folder?

Spencer furrowed her brow as she opened up that folder and found a ton of paperwork inside. It only took her a second to place the different documents that were in there. Surprise had her eyebrows shooting up. “You got me a new alias?” That wasn’t quite what she’d expected. Yet, she could see school transcripts, medical records, the whole nine yards.

“Keep looking.” Clint suggested.

She gave him a curious look and then focused back on what was in her hands. Sifting through it, she took note of what was in there, mentally complimenting whoever had made these. They’d done a good job. There was a passport, driver’s license, bank account, college transcripts. Her age was about five years younger than it actually was, but she could pull that off. Everyone always seemed to think her female half was younger. Then she hit the birth certificate and just, froze. What she saw there had her whole body going still with shock.

_Erin Lynn Barton_

_Father: Clinton Francis Barton    Mother: Laura Marie Barton_

Wide eyed, Spencer looked up at the two people sitting across from her. Laura looked nervous, like she wasn’t quite sure how Spencer was going to take this. Clint, however, looked both smug and proud. He sat back on the couch and slipped an arm around Laura’s shoulders. “We had to make you a bit younger than you are. Otherwise, no one would believe you could really be ours. An we had to play up the whole, teenage-parents thing. There’s a whole beautiful story about it, too, that involves a good time between me and your mom and then neither of us seeing each other for a few years. We had a wonderful reconciliation and she let me be in your life, helped me to get to know my own daughter, and we all got closer. The rest, they say, is history.”

“Abbu.” Spencer breathed out the words so softly she wasn’t sure they’d heard them. This was… this was amazing.

Clint’s smile softened just a little. “I told you, peanut. You’re ours. We don’t need a piece of paper to tell us that, but I thought you might like it anyways.”

Tears burned the backs of Spencer's eyes. “It’s wonderful.”

The slight croak to her words didn’t go unnoticed. As she stared down at the papers she held, she heard Clint let out a gusty sigh. When she looked up she found him shifting and holding his arms out to her even as he mock-grumbled. “Oh, get over here already before you start blubbering all over the paperwork. You’ll smear the ink.”

“Clint!” Laura snapped, smacking at him.

At the same time, Clint was laughing and Spencer was grinning, her tears pushed back just like he’d likely intended. She tossed the papers down onto the coffee table and then shoved up, launching over the table and right into her friend—her _father_. He was still laughing as he wrapped his arms around her and held her in close. When Laura reached out, Spencer didn’t pull away and she didn’t flinch. She allowed the woman’s touch, enjoying the way that Laura’s slender hand smoothed over her head and pushed her hair back from her face in a gesture she’d seen her use with Cooper a few times. Turning her face in against Clint’s chest, Spencer didn’t bother to hide her grin. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“You’ve been family for years now, Spencer.” Clint said. “This just… made it official. Sort of.”

“With these papers, you’ll be legally a part of our family.” Laura chimed in. “If anything happens to us, you’ll be able to be there and help make any medical decisions, and you’ll be able to watch over Cooper for us. You’ll be listed as his big sister.”

“His baji.” Clint murmured, face pressed down against Spencer's hair. The Urdu word rolled easily past his lips and it made Spencer smile. Somehow, their teasing all those years ago and progressed into this strange and yet wonderful thing for them. Spencer had used English terminology for her relationship with her real mother, and for the many fake relationships she’d had over the years. Using a different language, one that she’d helped pick out, gave a reality to her relationship with the Barton family that might not have been there otherwise. This was _her_ family, one that she’d chosen and that had chosen her, and it was only right they chose the words they wanted to use to describe it.

This family, it was exactly what Spencer wanted. Everything she ever could’ve wanted in a family. She had Clint and Laura, who for some strange reason loved her and cared for her more than anyone she’d ever known. She had Natasha and Phil, her Phuppi and Taya, and she also had Cooper now, her sweet little bhai. She had a _family_.

Burrowing in closer to Clint, she let out a shaky breath. This was the best gift that anyone could’ve given her.


	4. Season 2 "Profiler, Profiled"

In his time at the BAU so far there had been plenty of people that Spencer sort of wished he could’ve met on the other half of his life. People that he happily would’ve taken out with orders from above. Being a profiler meant seeing some of the worst people the world had to offer. The type of people who did things so horrible, so degrading, so _sick_ , cleaning them from the earth would’ve been a _gift_. But he did his job the way that he was supposed to. He caught them, with the help from his team, and he let the justice system work.

For the first time, Spencer truly felt the constraints of this job. Right at the moment there was nothing he wanted more than to head to the local jail and show someone all the horrible things that he’d learned in his life.

Carl Buford.

Just thinking his name was enough to have Spencer’s lip wanting to curl. This man… no, he wasn’t a man, didn’t deserve to be called that. This _monster_ had dared to take a lost young boy and manipulate him for his own ends. He’d done it to plenty of boys, things that left Spencer feeling sick as he thought about what he’d glimpsed from Carl’s mind. More than that, though—he’d done it to _Derek_. Derek! One of the most amazing people that Spencer had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Derek was one of Spencer’s closest friends in this part of his life and someone that Spencer sort of looked up to. Derek was strong, and amazing, and a damn good person. To know that some of those parts of him had been forged because of this _monster_ made Spencer sick.

As he waited in a car outside the police station where the rest of his team was finishing off paperwork, wrapping things up, Spencer fought to keep himself under control. There was nothing on the outside that showed his internal struggle. No one who looked at him would know just how close he was to throwing up, or to going out and committing murder. _Happily_ committing murder. The only person with any clue had been Jason and it was likely why he’d ordered—not asked, ordered, and not just as Jason either but as his senior agent and handler—Spencer to go to the car and wait.

Spencer sat there perfectly still with his hands folded neatly in his lap. This kind of stuff… it wasn’t supposed to happen to people like Derek. He shouldn’t have to live with those kinds of memories. Spencer knew what they were like, and his had been nothing like Derek’s.

The sharp mind inside of Spencer was able to draw parallels, sure. Both had been young, both had been hurt, and both of them had done it, in a sense, to protect their families. But Derek wasn’t built like Spencer. He hadn’t been raised with these kinds of things as normal. He hadn’t been trained on how to handle it. And he didn’t have empathy to help him get through it. He’d just been a young, scared kid, doing everything he could to get past the grief of losing his father and trying to find a way to get himself up out of this place. Carl Buford had seen that and he’d taken advantage of it.

It wasn’t until he felt hot coffee pour over his hands that Spencer realized he’d clenched his cup so tightly he’d spilled it.

He’d just opened up the door and was shaking his hands off when he heard a voice off to the side, low and deeper than normal with emotion the owner didn’t want to admit to. “Wow, what’d that coffee ever do to you, kid?”

Spencer looked up to find Derek coming towards him. The older profiler carried himself carefully as if afraid of what might happen if he let anything show on the outside. It was a pose Spencer knew well. One that he’d felt himself more than once.

It took quite a bit of Spencer’s training for him to keep his emotions out of his voice and to put even a half-smile on his lips. “Guess I don’t know my own strength sometimes.”

His words had Derek snorting. Spencer watched as his friend stopped beside the SUV and stood there as if unsure of what to do. He obviously hadn’t anticipated seeing Spencer out here. He stood there sort of awkwardly while Spencer watched him, until finally it was too much for him and words came tearing past the older man’s lips. “Don’t look at me like that, Reid.”

“Like what?” Spencer asked curiously.

Derek lifted one hand and waved it in the direction of Spencer’s face. “ _That_.” A scowl lined his features and he dropped his gaze down and away. “I’m the same guy you knew before this case. I don’t want to be treated any differently because of this. It doesn’t make a difference. I’m still _me_.”

The way he said those words, as if he was trying to convince himself just as much as Spencer, tore at the younger agent’s heart. Maybe that emotion was what prompted what he said next; he certainly hadn’t ever intended on revealing this. “You are who you are _in spite_ of this, not because of it, Morgan. I know the kind of strength it takes to get through these kinds of things and to make yourself into someone as amazing as you are. To not let it turn you dark and bitter.” _Like it did me._ “I don’t look at you with pity or whatever else it is you’re worried about. I look at you and I admire you for the strength you’ve showed. Not just back then, but today. What you did back there… I don’t think I’d have that kind of strength.” Not to stand there and let them be arrested and not try to kill them himself. Or fall back at their feet.

The second part of that thought made him shudder.

When he looked up, he found Derek watching him with eyes that were steady, yet shocked. They held nothing on the shock and sorrow that were coming off the man. He’d understood what Spencer was saying in there and it hurt him as much as Spencer was hurt by the news about Derek. “I’m sorry, Reid.”

Spencer shrugged one shoulder. “It is what it is. Our pasts don’t define us. What we do now—that’s what makes the difference.” Clint had taught him that. Until him, Spencer hadn’t even known that he’d had the right to be upset about these kinds of things. Hell, he’d just assumed that it was how life was. Even when he found out that other kids weren’t treated like that, he’d figured it was just something about him, that he was different and wrong and he deserved to feel this way. Clint had taught him differently. He’d helped Spencer see that what happened to him _was_ wrong and he had every right to be upset about it. That he had a right to his anger.

When Spencer blinked his eyes clear of memories, he saw Derek was still watching him, only the sorrow was mostly gone now and there was an understanding that not many people had. The two smiled at each other. In that moment, they both knew a bit of truth about each other, even if it wasn’t the whole truth, and they relaxed into the comfort of being with someone who _could_ understand. There was plenty that other people might’ve felt the need to say right then, but they didn’t. They didn’t need the words. Derek leaned against the side of the car and Spencer relaxed until the tension bled out of his muscles.

Neither one said anything as they waited for the team to join them once more. They didn’t need to. They just stayed there in silence and listened to the sounds of the world around them, and it was good. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good, and they both knew that sometimes that was all you could expect in life.


	5. Tobias

Things at the BAU fell into a comfortable sort of pattern over the next few years that Spencer found himself thriving under. The more he worked with them, the easier it all became, and the more he felt like he was genuinely becoming Spencer Reid and not just playing a part. Maybe it was just what happened to people; playing a long-term role like this could undoubtedly have an effect on someone’s psyche. Pretend to be something long enough and it’s what you’ll truly become. Spencer wasn’t sure. Nor was he sure that he cared. He _liked_ who he’d become. He liked being Spencer. And that was good enough for him.

Then, naturally, the world felt like throwing him a curve ball.

In one moment, one case, the foundation that Spencer had built for himself got knocked almost entirely out from under him. Spencer got too comfortable in his role as ‘Dr. Reid’. He grew complacent and just a bit arrogant, thinking that there was nothing in this line of work that was really going to present any sort of challenge for him.

Then they went to Georgia. The team went on a case in rural Georgia, and Spencer made a series of stupid decisions that had him here, now, stumbling his way across a graveyard with Jason supporting his weight and his shields almost wholly destroyed.

Touching his team was a special kind of agony. It hurt so damn much, yet their concern for him and their joy at his return was like a balm on his aching soul. After the pain of what he’d just gone through, he’d take this kind and be glad for it. At least the negative emotions were far outweighed by the positive ones. The love and concern that he felt were healing some of the wounds inside. Spencer leaned against Jason just a little more and trusted himself over to his handler as he’d learned to do more and more since they’d started to work here at the BAU together.

Jason didn’t miss the shakiness that was moving through Spencer, though. He carefully helped to brace him up just a little bit more. “Just hang on a minute more, Reid. The paramedics are just ahead.”

Paramedics? What? He had to have heard him wrong. There was no way Jason called the paramedics for _him_. The man knew he had a healing factor! Even if it was working slowly right now, it was still working. Spencer twisted his head to look at his handler in open shock and confusion.

Jason cut him off before he could even get a chance to build a protest. “I know you’re going to be fine, Reid. We all know that. But you and I both know you should’ve healed already from all this, and if you’re not, it means there’s something wrong.” Then, leaning in closer, he murmured just low enough for Spencer’s sensitive ears to pick up. “They’re SHIELD medics. You’ll be safe.”

The idea made Spencer want to laugh. He kept the sound inside by sheer force of will, knowing it’d come out way too much like panic. Safe? Jason thought that he’d be safe just because these guys were SHIELD? While they employed people who were pretty good at shielding their thoughts, it was highly unlikely that those at SHIELD had learned how to block their emotions so Spencer couldn’t feel them. With his shields wide open like this, he didn’t stand a chance of stopping them, especially if they touched him.

When he saw them ahead, it took a lot of will not to whimper. But that was nothing compared to the will it took to keep himself under control when he felt a familiar presence hiding out in the back of the ambulance. Spencer reached out joyfully with his powers and was greeted with a wave of so much love and so much concern it almost floored him.

Focused on that mind, Spencer almost didn’t notice the hands coming towards him until it was too late. They tried to touch him, and he jerked back hard, nearly falling into Jason. His handler curled a careful arm around him and kept him from falling. “Spencer?”

“I got him, sir.” Another voice said. One that Spencer would recognize just about anywhere and would always trust. Without even having to think about it, the young genius stretched forward and almost fell into the hands that reached for him. He gratefully put himself into the care of the only person he truly trusted to hold on to him right now. As familiar arms lifted him up and carefully set him onto a gurney, an equally familiar presence slipped into his mind, thoughts projected to him with an ease born of plenty of practice. _//I got you, squirt. I’m right here, and I’ve got you//_

Feeling his father there with him was like Heaven after the Hell that Spencer had just gone through. He didn’t want it to go away. When Clint tried to shift back, Spencer rolled his whole body to the side of the gurney to try and get closer. It got him the response he wanted. Clint curled a hand around his head and laid another hand on his chest, keeping him flat. Not the best of touches, but at least he was touching him. That was more than enough for Spencer, for now, to help keep some of that panic and pain at bay. “Hey, hey, I need you to be still, all right? These guys need to take a look at you.”

“Can’t.” Spencer kept himself contained, but only until Jason shut the doors, locking Spencer in here with Clint and two other SHIELD agents. Being confined made it harder to keep control. The panic Spencer felt kicked a little higher, and he reached out to grasp at any part of Clint he could reach. “ _Abbu_.” _//Abbu, please, can’t! I can’t//_ With that came a burst of broken thoughts and glimpses of pain that let Clint know, clearer than words, just how bad it was right now, that the drugs in his system had destroyed any chance at shields that Spencer had. He’d been absorbing so much from the Unsub, and it’d left him raw inside, and he _couldn’t get his shields up._ This was worse than any overload that Spencer had ever felt. This… this was like his insides were being tortured, his mind and emotions raped, his every sense open and exposed.

A pained sound tore from Clint’s throat. The next second, he was on the gurney with Spencer, his whole body curling around the younger man’s in a distinctly protective pose. It was the most fantastic thing that Spencer had ever felt in his entire life.

One of the paramedics cleared his throat and hesitantly began “Agent…”

He was cut off by Clint sharply barking out “Protocol 1-2-Delta. Now!”

What they did, Spencer didn’t know, but he could tell they weren’t coming towards him anymore. They were staying as far back as the ambulance would allow. One of them had moved to the front, muttering something to the driver, and Spencer felt the driver’s understanding flash. Then it was… it was like the three of them were meditating. Their emotions turned towards a calmness that Spencer usually only found when people meditated. He sent a questing pulse to his father-figure and got a soft murmur of words in return. “Protocol 1-2-Delta is for when we’ve got someone with some kind of psionic powers and no shields. Agents try to meditate slightly to make their emotions as even as they can. Is it helping, peanut?”

Spencer nodded, though his face was now buried against Clint’s neck. “Yeah.”

“Just hang in there, squirt. We’re gonna take you to a safe house.”

_//My team?//_

“Leave them to Jason. He’ll take care of it, that’s his job.”

It showed how far Spencer had come in his life that he didn’t argue. He just curled closer to Clint and trusted in his handler to take care of his job while he trusted the rest of it to the person who had never once let him down. All Spencer had to do was curl against Clint and stop trying to hold on. That was far easier than it probably should’ve been.

* * *

When they arrived at their safe house, the only person that Spencer would let near him was Clint. The archer helped him out of the back of their ambulance and got him inside. The place was simple; nothing fancy. None of the safehouses ever were. They were meant as a place for agents to go and be safe for a while and get a chance to recoup.

All Spencer cared about was the bathroom that Clint steered him towards. The sight of the tub was almost enough to have him whimper. Just barely did he manage to hold it in. God, to get clean! He was desperate to get the dirt and sweat of the past few days off his skin. The clothes he wore could be _burned_ for all he cared. The scent of burning fish guts seemed to have permeated every inch of the material and Spencer never wanted to have to smell it again.

There was entirely no shame in him as he leaned against Clint’s steady body and started to try and shakily strip. Modesty and shame weren’t things that Spencer possessed. Especially not in front of someone he knew would never take advantage of his nakedness. Spencer felt nothing but gratitude when Clint batted his shaking hands away and started to strip him with a steady efficiency that showed not just his experience at doing this in the field but his experience as a father.

Once Spencer was stripped down to his skin the shower was turned on. “Let’s get you cleaned off. Then you can soak for a bit.” Clint told him.

Hopefully, it wouldn’t take long to get him clean. Spencer wasn’t entirely sure he was going to be able to be on his feet for long. He let Clint steer him into the tub though and get him under the spray. Somehow—and later, Spencer wouldn’t be able to figure out quite how he did it—he managed to keep on his feet long enough to run a washcloth over his skin and even get his hair washed. He felt like he was in a fog as he did it, though. The past few days were really starting to catch up with him. Mentally, even if the physical was beginning to fade away as his healing factor slowly began to take over more and more.

It wasn’t until Spencer was sitting down in a bath of wonderfully warm water that he finally started to come back to himself. The fog lifted enough for him to click in on the fact that he was sitting down and that his knees were curled up to his chest, arms around his legs, and his cheek was resting on his knees. Clint was perched on the toilet with his legs stretched out, and his feet pressed on the opposite wall. His eyes were on Spencer and, despite his relaxed posture, Spencer could feel just how worried he was.

For a moment the young genius closed his eyes and let himself just bask in the warmth it gave his insides. It was Heaven after feeling only cold and pain.

Eventually, he made himself open his eyes again. When he did, he found that Clint was still watching him. The archer offered a small smile that Spencer only faintly returned. However, he found his voice. It was just a low murmur, yet he knew Clint would be able to read his lips enough to see his soft “Thank you.”

Clint shrugged his shoulder like it wasn’t a big deal. “Jason called once they got you back and said you needed me. Like hell I wasn’t going to come.”

“Did he…?”

“Tell me what happened?” Clint shook his head. “Nah. Didn’t matter. I don’t care what’s going on, squirt. You need me, you damn well better believe I’m gonna be there. I had to fight your Ammi to keep her from flying out here with me. You should call her when you’re more alert, by the way. I let her know I had you and that you’re fine, but you know her. She’s not gonna believe me till she hears your voice.”

Thoughts of Laura made it easier for Spencer to smile. He could just imagine Clint having to fight to keep her from coming out here. Sweet and polite she may look; no one messed with Laura Barton or her family, though. Not unless they had a death wish. “I will.”

A shiver ran down Spencer’s body and jolted him out of the momentary peace he’d found. It brought to life the remaining aches in his body and reminded him very forcibly of the fact that his body was still in the process of healing. Following quickly on the heels of that were the memories of what exactly had put him in this position to begin with. The all-too-familiar sensations of shame and guilt burned brightly in Spencer’s gut. He closed his eyes and tightened the grip of his arms around his legs. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I worried you guys.”

“Hey, you made it back, Spencer. That’s all I ever ask of you. We can deal with anything else just so long as you make it back to us, kiddo.”

“I messed up.” Spencer turned his head until he could press his eyes against his knees. The pressure grounded him a little. “I messed up so fucking bad, Abbu.”

The fact that Spencer swore caused Clint to startle. Spencer could feel it.

There was no way Spencer could look up as he started talking. With his eyes pressed into his knees and his voice slightly muffled, he explained just how monumentally he’d screwed up these past few days and what it’d caused him.

“We came out here to hunt down what we thought was a religion based killing team. I should’ve… I’ve gotten too complacent. Too _arrogant_. I didn’t look beyond what was right in front of me, and I _should have_.” Looking back it wasn’t hard for him to see all the clues he’d missed the first time around. All the things that should’ve given it away. These were the types of things that Spencer was trained to look for. How had he gotten so lax in his training that he’d missed it all? “I didn’t start to piece it together until JJ and I were actually at the Unsub’s house. We’d gone out there to go talk to a guy we thought was our witness. Before we even got to the door, I knew who he was. I knew what he’d done. Still, I thought I had it handled.”

He didn’t realize how tightly he’d been clenching at his legs until Clint’s fingers closed around his hand and drew his fingers away from his leg. Spencer pulled his head back enough to blink his eyes clear and look down. Lines of red marked his leg where his short nails had actually broken skin. Clint kept hold of his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “Breathe, Spencer. You’re all right. Just breathe for me.”

Easier said than done. Still, Spencer kept his eyes on their joined hands, and he forced himself to keep his grip controlled. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Clint. Without looking up, he continued his story in a much softer voice.

“When Tobias refused to let us in the house, I knew I couldn’t just let him go. So I peeked in a window to get us the evidence we’d need to go after him, something as tangible proof for the others, only he spotted me, and he booked it. I convinced JJ to split up, and I sent her off in a direction I thought she’d be safe while I went after him. I figured, hey, just one guy, right? I can handle one guy.” He paused to scoff at his own stupidity. “I’ve gotten so used to the bad guys being just bad guys at the BAU, and the weird ones being through SHIELD. I never even thought this guy might be a mutant. But, I got distracted when I heard JJ, and when I turned away, he used a telekinetic blast to knock me down. Then he knocked me out.”

Clint’s grip on his hand tightened a little. Spencer tried to draw comfort from that. It wasn’t much, though. Not when the memories were playing back clearly in his mind.

He licked his lips and watched as Clint’s thumb traced a line over his knuckles. This next part wasn’t going to be easy for either of them. “When I woke up… I was cuffed to a chair. Our Unsub, Tobias, he was there, only there wasn’t, there wasn’t anyone else. It was just him. He had multiple personalities. Himself, his father, and the archangel Raphael. Raphael was the one that liked to go out and kill the ‘sinners.' But his dad? His dad was…” There weren’t words for what his dad had been like. No words that Spencer would want to use in front of Clint, especially. He knew enough about his Abbu’s past to not want to dredge all that up. “They kept me tied up to that chair for the past few days. At first, he used his TK to keep me there, but then he, he drugged me. Dilaudid, cut with something else in it, I don’t know what. Something to make it stronger? I know some mutants have weird resistances to some drugs. Whatever it was, it was strong enough that it practically knocked me out each time. When I’d come to, I could barely keep my shields up, and his emotions were so intense I couldn’t, there was no way I could fight against them.”

“Shit.” Clint breathed out. “Is that why you’re healing so slow?”

Spencer gave a jerky shrug. “I don’t know. Probably.” He found that he almost didn’t care about that. He could live with pain. It was his shields that needed repair; desperately. “Whatever it was, it messed me up a lot. I couldn’t even manage to pick the locks on the cuffs. I just, I had to watch as he…” Spencer closed his eyes again against the memory of watching the people dying on the screen in front of him. _Choose_ , Tobias—no, Raphael—had told him. With great effort, Spencer swallowed down the bile that had risen in his throat. “He streamed a lot of it to my team at his house. I finally managed to get a message to them, but they were too late. He had me… I was outside and he, he was making me dig my own grave. I managed to get his gun away, and I shot him right before everyone else showed up.” Another of those painful shudders ran down Spencer’s body. He clenched at Clint’s hand and tried to draw strength from his presence. It wasn’t working well. “I don’t… I don’t know why this is bugging me so much. I’ve been through worse. Why the hell is this bugging me so much?”

The last words came out a bit shriller than he liked. Clint responded to it instantly. With one swift move, he was off the toilet and on his knees beside the tub. The hand in Spencer’s let go only for both arms to reach out and pull him in close for a hug, heedless of how wet he instantly made Clint’s shirt. “Hey, hey, none of that.” Clint murmured against his hair. He held Spencer tight and tucked the younger man’s face in against his chest. “It doesn’t matter how much shit you go through. That doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be freaked out by something, or for it to hurt you. You’ve had a hellish few days, sprout. You’ve got every right in the world to be upset.”

“I’ve survived worse without freaking out like this,” Spencer mumbled against his chest. He didn’t try and move away, though.

Clint scoffed. “So? Is that supposed to mean you don’t get to freak out? Like, you must be this damaged to panic? It doesn’t work like that.” One hand smoothed down over Spencer’s wet hair to cup the back of his head. As fingernails started to scratch at his scalp, Spencer slowly relaxed. “Like I said, you’ve been through a hellish few days. Don’t be so hard on yourself for freaking out about it.”

It should’ve been embarrassing, to sit there in a bathtub while Clint hugged him tightly and held him together. It should’ve been weird.

All Spencer felt was gratitude. He brought his hands up and let his fingers curl into the fabric of Clint’s shirt. Neither one of them commented on the way they shook or how wet Clint was getting. They just stayed there as Clint held Spencer together until the younger man gave himself permission to break down, just a little, in the one place he knew he was always going to be safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a time jump, mes amies. It takes us to right after Jason leaves.

Today was far too beautiful a day to stay inside. David Rossi had spent most of the day outside, indulging in a little bit of hunting. It was one of the ways that he liked to relax himself nowadays. Odd, considering the jobs he’d left behind, that he’d pick to relax with a gun in hand. But it _was_ relaxing. Hunting animals was so much simpler than hunting humans. Humans were a lot more dangerous. The things a human could come up with, the things they’d do… yeah, hunting animals was much, _much_ simpler. The worst thing that happened if he didn’t catch his prey was that he didn’t have a fresh meal that night. No one else had to die just because he missed.

Hunting had become a regular part of Dave’s retirement. He told anyone else it was mostly for the relaxation. If there was a deeper meaning than that, well, he wasn’t quite sure he was ready to admit that even to himself.

For the most part the outside world left him alone all the way out here. This house was on private property, with plenty of open space, and no one around for miles to bother him. The only people Dave heard from were random family members, the occasional email or letter from an old friend, and his publisher. Other than that he was free to do with his days as he pleased. Sometimes he wrote, seeing as how that was his main job anymore. Other times he didn’t do a whole lot of anything.

When he made his way into his home late one evening after yet another day of hunting, it was with the almost instant realization that the outside world wasn’t staying at a distance any longer. In fact, it was sitting right there in his living room, smiling at him.

In an instant, the gun in Dave’s hand lifted and pointed at the man sitting in the chair. There could be no good reason for him to be here. “Get out of my house.”

The man let out a low chuckle. He wasn’t the least bit disturbed by the weapon pointed his way. “Good to see you too, Rossi.”

It took a lot for Dave not to actually growl. Even more for him to slowly lower the gun back down to his side. No matter how much he wanted to shoot the bastard. “Whatever you want, Nick, the answer’s no.”

Nick Fury leaned back in his seat and folded his hands over his stomach, looking far too smug, and it reminded Dave of some of the many things he had used to hate about being with SHIELD, and why he’d finally left. Of course, there’d been things he loved as well, but looking at Nick it was a lot easier to remember the things that had annoyed him. Nick had been one of those things. Most of them, really. “You just keep telling yourself that.” Nick said, still chuckling a little. “Don’t you even want to know why I’m here?”

They both knew that whatever had brought Nick here wasn’t going to be something simple or small. Something like that would’ve warranted a letter, one that they both knew Dave would’ve ignored, or a visit from someone lower on the food chain. Nick hadn’t like that Dave retired, but he’d respected it. For him to be here now meant that there was something going on that was serious enough for him to break the radio silence that had sat between them. They hadn’t ever really gotten along the way that Jason and Nick had. They butted heads just a little too much. They hadn’t been friends, though Dave wouldn't say they’d been enemies either. More, Dave didn’t exactly trust someone who he had always been able to tell had far more agendas than he let on. It made it hard to work with a person you knew always had secrets from you. From everyone. It made him pretty perfect to run SHIELD--it also made him pretty hard to be friends with.

There was no way that Dave was going to be able to just let him go without finding out what it was that drew him here. Nick knew it, too, judging by the way he was smirking.

Best to get this over with, then. Dave sighed and set aside his gun before he sat himself down in his most comfortable chair. He had a feeling he’d need to be comfortable for this. “Fine. What brought you here, Nick? Because we both know this isn’t a social visit.”

In a surprising move, Nick spoke bluntly, not even beating around the bush. “Jason’s retired. From SHIELD and the BAU.”

Huh. Dave’s eyebrows shot up. Well, that _was_ news. Interesting news. What could’ve happened to finally make Jason retire? He’d been adamant about working with SHIELD and with the BAU both. They were his life. Something serious had to have happened to finally make him step down. Dave kept those thoughts inside, though. On the outside he settled his expression back into something more relaxed and just a bit bored. “Much as I appreciate hearing the news, I fail to see what it has to do with me. Unless you were hoping to set up some retired agents group, in which case I’ll tell you I’m not interested.”

“Cute.” Settling back in his seat, Nick folded his hands down in his lap. His single eye met Dave head on, a rather unnerving stare that Nick knew and took advantage of. “What do you know about Erinyes?”

That name only took Dave a second to place. Old files, old reports, pulled up out of his memories. “The Hydra assassin you guys recruited.” Information about her, even once she’d been brought into SHIELD, had been kept very private. She’d barely been a part of them when Dave had retired. He’d never had the chance to meet her, personally. Her file, though? Dave had looked at that with Jason plenty of times to try and help build a sort of profile for Nick while they’d been trying to catch her. What they’d known of her hadn’t been as extensive as Nick had wanted. They hadn’t been able to pin down an accurate age for her, or even a perfect timeline. Her crimes hadn’t been easy to track, either. She’d eluded Jason and Dave plenty of times when they’d been helping SHIELD try and hunt for her.

“She’s been an agent with us for quite a few years now. Eight, actually.”

“Congratulations.” Dave said, voice dry. “You must be so proud.”

His words didn’t bother Nick at all. The man huffed, shaking his head a little. “That’s one way of putting it. She’s a damn good agent, even if she manages to be a giant pain in my ass. Barton got his hands on her from the start.” That made Dave actually snort out a laugh, which just had Nick sighing. “Yeah, you can imagine the fun that’s created. There’s no doubt in my mind which of us she’s more loyal to.”

Unable to help himself, Dave grinned. Anything that annoyed Nick like that had to be a good thing. “Good for her.” Then, because he couldn't help himself, he asked “Did you ever tell her the real reason you guys raided the Facility?” He tilted his head, carefully watching Nick’s face and body language, trying to pick up as much as he could. It was always hard with Nick. “Does she know you guys were there for her?”

Nick didn’t even bother looking annoyed that Dave knew that. “Aside from you and I, only two other people know that. I intend on keeping it that way.”

“Such an honest team you run, Nick. But far be it from me to tell you how to run your teams. We both know how well that goes. Why don’t you just save us the trouble of old arguments and explain to me what this has to do with me.”

He was surprised once again when Nick did exactly as he asked. Of course, that couldn’t beat out the surprise of Nick’s actual words once they sunk in. “Jason was her handler. With his retirement, he’s requested that you be the one to step in and take over with her.”

It was a damn good thing Dave hadn’t been drinking anything because he might’ve choked on it. “I beg your pardon?” There was no way he’d heard Nick right. The man knew he was retired. He couldn’t actually be asking him to do this! “I’m retired, Nick. You know that.”

Nick shrugged one shoulder like it was no big deal. He looked even more relaxed, the asshole. “It’s what Jason said he wanted. According to him, he doesn’t trust the rest of us to handle her, and her situation is unique enough that I agree with him. There’s no one better suited to the job than you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Erinyes followed in her handler’s footsteps.”

That only took a second to think about. Then Dave’s eyebrows shot up once more. _Well, I’ll be damned._ “She works at the BAU?”

“No.” Nick said. He gave a maddening smile, the one that said he knew so much more than you and was enjoying watching you flounder. It was a smile Dave had always hated. But he forgot all about that when Nick opened his mouth again. “ _He_ does.”

This was just getting more and more interesting. Despite himself, Dave was drawn in, even though he knew that was Nick’s intention here. He was trying to bait Dave just enough to get his curiosity piqued. Even seeing it coming wasn’t enough to stop Dave from falling into the trap. “He?”

“Once Erinyes… joined us, we discovered one of the reasons why she was so easily able to avoid us. She’s a mutant. One with quite a few abilities, one of which is the ability to shift back and forth between male and female.”

That explained so many different things. Discrepancies that he and Jason had found when they were trying to hunt her down. Why people weren’t able to figure out her age, gender, none of it. Erinyes had been considered a ghost. Everyone and no one. If she—they, really—were able to change their gender, that helped explain how they were able to hide so well, and how they were able to keep so far under the radar. Skill only got a person so far. Even the best usually was spotted at least once. Erinyes had only ever been ‘spotted’ on one job, and no one had been able to agree on what they saw. Boy, girl, short, tall, young, old. The reports had been so varied. This here helped explain why.

Nick pulled a file out from his jacket and laid it down on the coffee table between them. It was thick, and it bore Erinyes name on it. “Why don’t you just take a look at her file, see what you think?”

“Who’s keeping an eye on them right now?” Dave asked, a little reluctantly.

His question got him a smile. Nick pushed up to his feet and very deliberately didn’t answer. “Take your time, Rossi. I’ll get a hold of you by the end of the week to see what you have to say.”

With no more than that, Nick left him alone.

Dave sat there staring down at the file long after he heard his front door shut. There was no doubt in his mind just how much Nick had manipulated that conversation. He’d pushed as many buttons of Dave’s as he possibly could and then he’d left things dangling like that to encourage him further. Knowing all that didn’t make it any easier to resist, though. Dave leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs, hands clasped loosely between his knees.

A heavy sigh filled the air as the man gave in to what was really the inevitable. Dave reached out and grabbed the file, knowing even as he did that he’d just committed himself to something he’d once sworn never to do again.

* * *

Almost exactly one week later found Dave quietly finishing up his packing. All the necessary calls had been made, all arrangements were taken care of. The quiet life that he’d led here was just about done with. By this time tomorrow he was going to be back in DC. As of this morning, he was officially a member of SHIELD again, and tomorrow he would be a member of the BAU once more.

It seemed kind of appropriate that he hadn’t even been back for a full day before he got his second SHIELD visit in just one week. Only this time, it wasn’t Nick Fury waiting for him in his living room. No, this time Dave went into his kitchen to make himself some coffee while he waited for the taxi to come pick him up, and he found SHIELD’s deadliest archer sitting _on_ his counter drinking coffee from Dave’s favorite mug.

The profiler took one look at him and only briefly contemplated reaching for a nearby weapon before he quickly discarded the idea. Instead, he sighed and went to grab the only other mug still in the cupboard. There were very few dishes that were going to be left behind. “I’d almost forgotten how fun SHIELD could be.” Once he had a cup poured, Dave turned himself to look over at Agent Clint Barton only to find that the man was watching him with open amusement. It had Dave rolling his eyes. “I almost feel special. Two surprise SHIELD visits in one week. I’m a lucky guy.”

Amusement lit Clint’s eyes. “You really are. Fury doesn’t see many people personally.”

“Joy,” Dave drawled out. He turned himself and leaned back against the counter opposite of Clint. For all that the archer was smiling at him, there was something dangerous in his eyes, a way that he held himself that made it clear he wasn’t a threat yet but he could quickly become one. Dave remembered what Nick had said and he was pretty sure he knew what this was about. “I’m not going to hurt them.”

Clint didn’t even pretend not to know what he was talking about. “It’d be the last thing you ever did.” He took one last drink off his mug and then set it down beside him on the counter. When his eyes were back on Dave again, they were darker, and the threat was stronger. “Let me make one thing clear here, Agent Rossi.” Here, Clint leaned forward, pressing his hands onto the counter on either side of his legs. He put his weight on them and somehow managed to make just leaning in come off as menacing. It was a skill Dave couldn’t help but be impressed by. Then Clint opened his mouth again and Dave was too busy being stunned to be impressed anymore. “This isn’t just any old agent you’re going to be looking after. That’s _my kid_. And if anything happens to him, I’m going to take it out on you. Do I make myself clear?”

 _Oh Goddamn you, Nick! ‘Took him under his wing’ my ass!_ This was a whole lot more than that. The way that Clint said ‘my kid’ was a pretty clear indicator. This was more than just a friendship, or a mentorship, or even a typical partnership that could crop up between agents who worked together. Clint said ‘my kid’ like he was really talking about his actual child. With all the love and threat that came along with it. Dave hid his grimace behind his cup. He was going to _murder_ Nick later. “Crystal.”

“Good.” Some of the hardness faded off Clint’s face. In its place was a little half smile that held a lot more amusement than Dave had been expecting. “You better hope I find you first, too. Because I’m not the only one that’ll be coming for you, and I promise you, I’m the least scary out of our dysfunctional little family.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” Dave said dryly.

Clint’s small smirk turned into a grin. “He calls Black Widow ‘Phuppi’, and Coulson ‘Taya’. They’re his honorary Aunt and Uncle. As much as they may laugh about it, or Coulson might groan, they take those roles rather seriously.”

Well, this just kept on getting better and better. “Must be a hell of a kid, to get such loyalty.”

“People either love him or hate him, there’s not really any in-between. You’ll see it when you meet him.” The corners of Clint’s eyes crinkled in a sudden grin that was bright and made him look a whole lot more approachable. “Though, just a heads up, he’s gonna nerd out all over you. Ever since he found out you’re coming back and that you’ll be his handler, it’s all I’ve heard about. He’s read all your books and he’s a _huge_ fan. He’ll probably quote most of them back to you. We haven’t quite managed to teach him that people get a bit unnerved by that.”

The picture that Clint was painting matched up with some of what Dave had read in the file he’d gotten. With what little history they’d managed to piece together about Erinyes, the kid was smart—brilliant, really—but they’d been raised by a group of people who wanted a weapon, not a person. Those kinds of teachings didn’t just fade away. There were certain things and skills that the human mind learned in those early years that Erinyes, Spencer, had missed out on.

Dave took a sip off his coffee and studied the face of the man across from him. There was likely no one out there who knew his new charge better than Clint Barton did. The archer would know far more than some stupid file. “Why don’t you tell me about Spencer? Let me get to know the kid, not the codename.”

A slow, devilish grin spread over Clint’s face. “Agent Rossi, it would be my pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, for now I'm gonna actually close this story off and mark it as done. You'd think the start of the new year would mean new things, mais for me it means a new round of hospital trips. So while I'm stuck sitting in this hospital bed, I'm cleaning up some files and shit like that, an I'm putting the kibosh on this story for the time being cause for some reason this has been making me stuck like all hell, an I hate it. So, I'm gonna close it out, an the next thing you'll get from me is a story that's already at at least 85% written. Je suis desole on how much y've had to wait for this POS story to come out, mes amies! I hope that, once I get other stuff edited an done, you'll like that a whole lot more, yeah? :)


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